


Becoming Adam

by Sydbond



Series: Becoming [2]
Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, becoming, she wasn’t too young after all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15128699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sydbond/pseuds/Sydbond
Summary: The story of Adam and how he recalls falling in love with JazFollow up of Becoming Jaz





	Becoming Adam

**Author's Note:**

> You guys! I’m blown away by all the lovely comments and you totally made me feel loved so thank you for that! It totally inspired me to write the Adam story, but I’ll be honest these are the only two characters I can see myself doing this for. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Adam is two and a half years old when he meets his little sister. His mother holds him up so he can peak inside the crib and she’s nothing but a scrawny little pink thing that doesn’t do much except sleeping and making tiny sounds. 

« Her name is Rose, » his mother tells him. « And now you have to protect her because you’re big and strong and she’s your little sister, » 

Adam nods as seriously as he can as his mother lets him touch Rose’s forehead. She’s soft and seems pretty delicate and he gets why he should protect her. 

« She’ll need you, Adam, »

He’s always been a nice kid, but from this moment on he looks out for the weak and stands up for those who can’t. It doesn’t matter what the consequences are, he becomes determined to do good in this world. 

 

xxxxx

 

Soon enough he has three sisters. The youngest is called Grace and she adores him. Out of all his sisters, she’s the one who follows him everywhere and who hangs on to his every word. He’s got a good eight years on her and it’s just enough so that everything he does is considered the most awesome thing ever. 

He comes to pick her up on his bike when she goes to a friend’s house and she never misses a goodnight kiss when it’s time to go to bed. Adam has to say he has a soft spot for her because she’s just so tiny and full of spunk and she has those big eyes that sparkle and makes it very hard to say no to. 

His father sometimes gets one of those moods where everybody within reach gets hit, so Adam makes it an habit to round up his sisters in his and Rose’s room to spare them from him. Grace always climbs up inside his bed, tucking her head under his chin and falling asleep there. Adam stays this way for a long time, watching over his sisters as he hopes his father won’t make it all the way to their room that night. 

 

xxxxx

 

When he’s eleven he starts to work at his uncle’s farm. He’s got sheeps and various other animals and he needs the help. Adam is a strong kid for his age and a hard worker. He also needs the money, because his parents always argue about it and Adam knows better than to ask them for anything. 

It also helps that the work is a welcome distraction from home, somewhere the only thing expected from him is to do good work. Those are simple enough rules, unlike those set by his father, and Adam can get on board with those. 

xxxxx

His mother passes away when he’s twelve. She gets lung cancer and there’s no money to pay for the hospital and the treatments, especially not with all the bar bills his father brings back home. 

So Adam has to watch his mother deperish in front of his eyes and she just smiles softly at him and tells him everything will be alright. He believes her, which is why it hurts so bad when everything isn’t alright and it doesn’t get better and she dies. 

His little sisters are left with nothing but him, a twelve year old kid with a rage inside of him, and his alcoholic good for nothing father. 

His uncle who owns the farm is not a Dalton. He’s from his mother’s side and he’s raging mad at the funeral. He ends up hitting his father and calling him names and telling him nothing would have happened if it weren’t for him and Adam gathers his sisters to another room to try and spare them the spectacle, but they’ve all seen the two men throwing punches at each other. 

The next day, Adam goes to work just so he can stop thinking about his mother. He gives it his all and for an hour or so all he thinks about are the sheeps. His uncle joins him during his break and they both go sit by the side of the road, staring at the fields in front of them. 

« You’re a good kid Adam. You have some of your mother in you. I hope you’ll always remember how kind she was, » his uncle tells him and Adam nods because that’s what he does when adults tell him complicated adult stuff.

It’s this kindness he decides to focus on. Adam doesn’t think about how his mother kept bringing them back to an abusive home, how she said everything was alright even when Adam had a black eye because his father was taking a swing at him. He hangs on to the kindness because it’s easier, and he needs to believe he had a parent who loved him. 

It’s easy to make the dead look better than they were.

 

xxxxx

 

Adam turns to sports. He’s good at them, a natural as the coach says. His favorite is football and he practices relentlessly until he gets every play perfected. 

He also has good grades, mostly because he’s quick and not because he spends a lot of time on his homeworks. That gets him noticed and before he knows it he has a couple of colleges looking at him and ready to offer football scholarships.

Things are finally looking up for Adam Dalton and his father even makes it to one of his game his junior year. But he argues with some other parent in the stands and when Adam gets back home he doesn’t see the beating coming. His father breaks his leg and it’s the end of his season. Turns out it’s also the end of the possible scholarships. 

xxxxx

Grace dies because of his father and Adam turns mad with rage. 

He hits his father so hard, Rose has to pull him off of him so he won’t kill his father. Adam files an official complaint and makes sure his sisters end up in his uncle’s custody. 

He’s done with this town and this life he’s been given. Once he’s sure his sisters will be safe, he packs his bags and looks up to the next adventure. 

He leaves for the army a month later. 

xxxxx

Adam meets Michael Campbell during basic training. He’s a soft speaking guy who always looks for the best in people and Adam feels drawn to him because he makes him think of his mother. 

They become fast friends and Michael manages to calm Adam down whenever he needs a little help in that department. He says his mother is at the DIA and that’s how Adam learns all about special forces and omega teams.

He and Michael do they first tour together. They’re sent to Fallujah and it’s a bloodbath. Adam quickly finds that there’s this rage inside of him that can quickly turn very bad if he feeds it. Unfortunately, Fallujah seems especially designed to feed the beast. 

One time his friend gets killed next to him and he starts to not only kill the guy, but to also rip his head off. His sergeant has to pull him off of him. 

There’s a rage in him and Michael not only sees it, he also understands it. He shows him how to tame it down, how to push it in the back of his mind. The secret is to replace it with happy emotions, he says, so the two guys head out for a bar and take a beer. 

« There’s a pretty girl over there making eyes at you, » says Michael after their first beer. Adam shrugs because he doesn’t see how a pair of legs can help him with this storm raging inside. 

« Go talk to her, see if she wants to share your bed tonight, » 

And Adam does so. He’s not bad on the eyes and the girl wants to have fun and they tumble on her bed back at some apartment she’s renting with another college girl. 

It’s doesn’t stop the rage, but it helps to make it bearable. 

xxxxx

During leave he comes back to see his sisters. They’re at the farm, where Adam expected to feel free and happy, but there’s too much grief and he can feel the spirit of Grace and his mother floating around the air. 

He wants to hit a bar and hit on a pretty girl like he usually does, but he’s at his uncle and the main goal was to spend time with his sisters. So Adam stays for two weeks and then heads to DC after Michael extends an invitation. He’s suffocating at the farm and he doesn’t know what kind of things it can raise inside of him. 

He’ll never be his father if he can help it, and that rumbling feeling in his belly makes him very worried he’s on the same destructive path. 

xxxxx

In DC he meets Patricia Campbell. She’s both soft and strong and there’s nothing he can say that can phase her. Michael has already told her all about Adam and his little problem and she is ready for him. 

More times than he can count, he ends up on lawn chairs in the backyard with Patricia, telling him all about his childhood and how he’s so afraid it’ll affect him. 

She tells him the fact that he’s afraid of it already shows he’s a better person than he thinks he is. She reassures him, gives him a few tricks and helps him work through it all during that leave. 

The best thing she does is to introduce him to Xander the psychologist. 

He gets Adam, and for that, Adam is grateful. He’s never been a believer in psychologists, talking about his feelings seems just as fun as getting one of his eyeballs plucked out and he honestly doesn’t expect anything from their first appointment, but Adam has to admit he’s wrong. 

Xander helps. 

xxxxx

Adam quickly rises up in the ranks. It’s a series of opportunities, paired with his introspective work and his leveled head. 

He enjoys the army, finds himself at home within its ranks and before long he starts to think about becoming Special Forces. Patricia had talked to him about it, encouraged him to try and he almost does, but some part of him always holds back. 

Adam’s got the whole application done, but he still hesitate. The deadline is approaching and he hasn’t send it in because he’s chickening out and it’s Patricia who calls him out on it. 

His phone rings with her number and she gives him an earful about how he’s wanted to become Special Forces for years and he eventually sends the application. 

The answer comes a few weeks later; an invitation to the selections. 

xxxxx

The training is hard, but he grits his teeth and comes out on top. It motivates him to spend all his days next to exceptional soldiers. 

Adam has a facility for languages. He already knew German from high school and Russian seems just as easy to him. To his surprise, he struggles with Arabic. It’s harder than it looks and he spends many nights staring at his dictionary, wondering how in the hell he’ll ever learn that stuff. 

He meets Hans, the guy who will end up in his first Special Force team. Hans is easy going and makes the selections a little easier. They end up having a lot of laughs and Adam tells himself it isn’t home, but it feels damn close to it.

He also notices the sheer lack of women around. When he asks his friend, he says something about most of them not being encouraged to join the Special Forces because the higher ups think it’s all about strength and how much you can lift. 

Hans has a brother who already went through this and who serves on a delta team somewhere in Europe. He knows about this sort of stuff and he tells him that most of their work don’t even involve muscles, which is ironic considering the number of hours they spend outside lifting things. 

Adam shakes his head and goes back to that kindness his mother instilled in him. 

xxxxx 

His team gets deployed to Afghanistan and it feels weird to be there as a special force. It takes some time, but Adam adapts to the constantly changing schedule and the lack of rules. 

He’s walking by the shooting range when he sees her, a girl who looks barely out of high school. She’s shooting target after target, landing each one perfectly. And he stares at her longer than he should because there’s something about the set of her jaw that screams determination. He also sees a younger Adam in her, in the way her eyes are heavily guarded. 

Adam spots her around the base a few times. She’s a bit too young, but she’s beauty and she doesn’t seem to know it because she keeps avoiding male counterparts. She has a friend who’s always with her and whom everybody knows, Elijah, and he’s the only one who seems to make her smile. When she does smile it lights up her whole face and Adam finds himself looking for her all around the base, hoping to catch another glimpse of that smile. 

One time he sees her alone at the range and decides to take his chance. She’s intriguing and he’s drawn to her for some reason. He stands by the rack behind her until she turns around and gives her a smile because she looks a little like those nervous little birds that fly away at the smallest of sounds. 

« That’s impressive, » he says and she stares at him with those huge eyes of hers. He hadn’t seen just how big they were, dark and bottomless and they take him by surprise. 

He waits for an answer, a nod, a shrug… anything, but it never comes. So he continues talking to her. « Ever thought about becoming a sniper? » 

« I’d like that, » nods the girl. Adam barely resists whooping in victory because he finally got the dark-eyed girl to talk to him.She’s got a deep and low voice, not something he expected to hear on somebody so young and it tells him she must not have had a childhood of birthday parties and parents tucking her into bed. 

« Well you should. You have one hell of a shot, » he smiles at her, hoping to put her at ease. She seems incredibly shy, and maybe a bit guarded and Adam does his best not to appear too creepy because he feels like the girl maybe needs a small push in the right direction, a little encouragement. She’s got skills and it would be a shame if she didn’t used them to become a sniper. 

« Well, maybe one day you’ll be covering my six, » he winks and he eyes her name tag. 

J. Khan. 

He wonders for a moment what’s her name. June? Julia? All seem too girly, not fierce enough for this tiny firecracker. « What does the J stands for? » 

« Jaz, » mumbles the girl and he smiles at her once again. Jasmine, something soft and flowery that she turned into a badass name. 

« Jaz? Seems fitting, » he tells her honestly. « I’m Adam, by the way, » 

He has no idea why he tells her his name, why he uses Adam and not Top, since everybody calls him that. But he has a feeling Jasmine is just a name for her whereas Jaz is who she is, so he does the exact same and calls himself Adam instead of Top. 

She shuffles with her feet and he waits her out because she seems to be on the verge of saying something, but then Hans calls him out and he knows it’s probably an op waiting for them so he leaves her with a wave. 

« Well, I’m sure we’ll see each other again when you’re a sniper, Jaz, » 

Adam jogs back up to Hans and his friend gives him a salacious grin. 

« She’s cute, » he grins and Adam rolls his eyes.

« She’s young, » he answers, not in the mood to get teased. 

« Young never stopped you, » 

Adam ponders on this for a second. Sure he’s never bothered with age, and this girl is most probably also a firecracker in bed, but there’s something about her guarded eyes that stops him from even trying something with her. It’s not a guy she needs; it’s someone who can show her her worth. 

« Nah, I just told her she should try to become a sniper, » 

Hans shrugs. They’ve both seen exactly what she can do. Everybody has seen it. She might not know it, but there are more than a few rumors floating around the air about her. « She’s got skills that’s for sure, » 

On the plane they take to get to their op, Adam reflects on what it means to be a sniper. He knows women in the army aren’t exactly encouraged to go further, but I’d be a shame if this talent went unnoticed. Not to mention that Jaz seems to be a force to be reckoned with. 

His team ends up getting redeployed and he doesn’t really think he’ll see Jaz Khan ever again, but he sure holds on to the hope of it. 

xxxxx

They end up in Iran for a mission. That’s where he meets Hussein, whose at first very wary of him. They end up becoming great friends after Adam saves his life and before he knows it, they’re talking about Hussein visiting the Blue Ridge Mountains one day. 

It’s also during Iran that Adam meets Preach. He doesn’t know it yet, but he meets the friend who will follow him for all his life. 

xxxxx

Adam goes back to Pennsylvania for leave. His sister Rose is getting married and she held off the wedding until her brother could be there. 

They don’t speak to their father anymore, so Adam is the one who gives her away and she beams so hard he thinks surely there’s something he’s missing to this life. 

His other sister seems on the path to get married too and it feels weird to see them starting their own families whereas he only has the army. 

He stares at them as he eats his wedding cake next to an empty chair. Rose must have hoped he would come with a date and he doesn’t understand why because where would he meet one when he’s always deployed in the middle of the desert? 

Adam thinks briefly of Jaz and her bottomless eyes and asks himself if she’d be the type of girl who would want to go to a wedding. It’s not that he thinks of her that way -or maybe just a little- but she’s the only girl he has seen on the job in the past year. 

It soon turns out to be too much, staying in Pennsylvania so he takes Preach up on his offer and flies to SoCal. 

xxxxx

Adam gets his own omega team eventually. He selects Preach because he’s known him for two years and the man is the most reliable he knows. 

Jimmy Mason is the best sniper he can get, experienced and calm and it makes him think of that Jaz girl who had fire in her eyes and who seemed desperate to prove herself. 

Robert Mason is Jimmy’s brother and they pair well together. The two are cut from the same cloth and he thinks it might help them. 

McG is kind of a wild card, having been special force for a year. He’s known for his smooth talking with the ladies, but he’s steady and calm and this is what Adam is looking for in a medic. 

Adam quickly finds that he likes being a CO. He likes taking command, he likes the responsibility of running a team and he likes the camaraderie that transpires from such a tight knit group. 

They get their own Quonset Hut and Adam starts to make it a habit to make sure everyone on his team is alright before heading to bed. Slowly, he walks down the hallway, listening for any sound or any problem until he’s confident everything is good for everyone. 

He lies down in his bed at night and tells himself that this life is pretty amazing and that he doesn’t need what his sisters have. 

xxxxx

That next leave, Adam meets Sofia and she makes his world spin upside down. Her father was military and she knows what she’s getting into. Adam lets himself believe he could do this relationship thing for once.

How wrong he was. 

xxxxx

After two years, Robert retires and Adam goes through file after file until he falls on Elijah Vallins. He’s the guy who followed Jaz around in Afghanistan and he comes along with strong recommandations. 

It’s a bit on a whim, but Adam decides to pick him. 

Elijah does fit right in and he quickly becomes part of the family. He’s a funny one that adores pranks and makes everyone crack up. He and McG grow especially close and in a matter of weeks, it seems like Elijah was always there. 

A few times, Elijah slips some things here and there about Jaz and Adam has to bite his tongue not to ask about her. He gatters from the bits and pieces that Elijah throws at them that she’s now a sniper and also Special Force. It doesn’t surprise Adam that she made it this far, because that girl was true grit if he’d ever seen it. 

« That your girlfriend? » McG asks the second time Elijah mentions Jaz. 

« Good friend, » corrects Elijah. What he doesn’t say is that he swings the other way and it’s not something guys advertise in the army. They all catch on to that fact but nobody cares because Adam assembled a great team and his guys aren’t subject to petty things like judging other people for who they love.

xxxxx 

By the end of the year, Sofia is gone. 

She’s been growing increasingly bossy and clingy and annoying, but there’s not much Adam can do. She knew he’d be gone more than half of the year when she agreed to try with him, but somehow it’s not enough. 

He can’t do it she can’t do it and it’s the end. He’s not that sad to be honest. 

xxxxx

Jimmy retires that year and he has to find a replacement

Adam goes through so many files but he can’t find the perfect person. Trying his luck, he asks Patricia if she’s got a Jasmine Khan in the system. 

Patricia hands him her file and it comes with a warning. « They say she’s got a chip on her shoulder, »

Adam raises his eyebrow at Patricia, surprised by her comment. « Wouldn’t you have one too if you were treated like a subpar soldier just because you’re a woman? »

Patricia seems to get it and she opens the file. When it comes to skills, Jaz Khan is spotless. It’s when it comes to subordination that her file is marred with red. 

« Why this one? » finally asks Patricia once they finish fine combing the whole file. 

Adam clears his throat. This is difficult to explain, how a nineteen year old girl managed to make such a lasting impression on him that he kept the memory of her name and eyes in the back of his mind for so many years. « I’ve seen her in action, a long way back, her first tour as CST I think. Even then she was better than good, » he explains before catching Patricia’s gaze. For some reason, he feels the need to push a little more for Jaz. « She’s the real deal, » 

« She’s going to be a lot of work, »

Adam knows that. But he’s willing to bet a lot of this attitude comes from how she was treated. The last CO in her file has a complaint to his name for sexually harassing her. « Her best friend’s Elijah. I have a feeling it’ll help, » 

Patricia relents and Jaz gets shipped to Incirlik. 

xxxxx

He’s a bit excited to see her. He’s been thinking about those eyes for a long time, how hard and determined they were and he wonders how time changed them. 

She doesn’t seem to know where she’s supposed to go and Adam takes the opportunity to look at her. Back in Afghanistan, she was freshly out of school and although she was pretty and had one heck of a body, it would have felt wrong to let himself linger on her. 

As cliche as that sounds, she’s now all grown up and that body of hers has only filled out in the best ways and he swallows and shakes the thoughts away because he will not be that CO who thinks she can be his own personal fantasy just because she’s a woman. 

He forgot how shy she was, only he realizes it’s not that she’s shy, it’s that she’s guarded. She’s seen enough things to make her doubt everyone and it makes him feel bad for her. He knows exactly how it can take a toll on someone to constantly feel like you’re not worth enough. 

Jaz spots him and he waves, hoping she remembers him. Their last encounter was ages ago and he’s not sure what kind of impression he made on her. 

« Welcome to Incirlik, » he tells her, noticing the death grip she has on the strap of her duffel bag. « You ever been to Turkey? » 

Jaz doesn’t speak to him but she shakes her head. Her eyes run everywhere but on him and Adam realizes it’ll take a lot of time for Jaz to feel safe around him. 

« We’ll show you around once you get settled. Come on, I’ll bring you to the hut, » 

They get in the car and he lets her carry her own things even though the part of him that was raised to be a gentleman screams that he’s getting it all wrong. But Jaz doesn’t seem to be the type of girl who lets other people do things for her so Adam lets her be. 

They get in the Humvee and she stays silent for the whole ride. Adam tries to make small talk, but she only answers with short words. He groans when he sees the guys haven’t put shirts on and Jaz’s eyes grow huge as she takes the guys in. 

Adam purposefully decided not to mention Jaz was a girl and maybe he should have because he doesn’t want to scare her with a bunch of shirtless men. Then again, she’ll have to get used to it, especially with McG living there. 

He quickly sees it’s not the lack of shirt, it’s Elijah that makes her eyes grow huge. 

She unbuckles her seatbelt before he’s even parked and she runs toward Elijah, flinging herself into his arms. After that, it’s a happy reunion and Jaz smiles wider than he’s ever seen her smile and it’s all worth it to Adam. 

McG and Preach give the pair some inquisitive looks, but then Elijah calls « Jazzy? » and they put two and two together. 

« Why didn’t you tell me she was coming, Top? » Elijah asks and Adam pushes his hands down his pockets. 

« Didn’t want to ruin the surprise, » he grins. 

Elijah starts to introduce Jaz to everyone along with a few choice words for every teammate. He ends up with Adam and he gives Jaz her duffle. « And then there’s our CO, Captain Adam Dalton, but you’ve already met, » says Elijah. 

Jaz nods in a way that makes him think Elijah doesn’t know about their conversation in Afghanistan. They seem pretty close and Adam wonders why she didn’t tell him.

« Told you you’d watch my six one day, » Adam grins. Jaz gives him a small smile and it feels like a huge victory. First day in Incirlik and Adam already has Jaz Khan smiling at him. 

After that he lets them have their reunion. For the first time, Jaz’s eyes don’t look so hard and she smiles that smile that had him transfixed for a few minutes back in Afghanistan. 

It’s worth it. 

xxxxx

It turns out Jaz does have an attitude. Only, Adam notices it comes from a place of care. She bristles quickly and has a short fuse, but it only happens whenever she’s uncomfortable with a situation. 

It’s mostly because one of the team members will be endangered, or when kids are involved in the op. 

So Adam lets her be and then he pulls her aside and they spend some time trying to see why exactly she acted that way; finding the root of the problem. It leaves them having long and deep conversations for many nights, and slowly she starts to open up to him. 

Because he wants Jaz to trust him, Adam also shares some parts of him. It first starts with awkward revelations, little things that once seemed unimportant or too personal, but Jaz just eats it up and it pushes her to reach further. 

After a few months, it comes pretty naturally for them, talking about those things they’ve never shared with anyone. Adam also notices that Jaz’s temper takes a turn for the best. Now, she focuses on teasing the guys instead of snapping at them. 

McG is usually the one who gets the worst of it, mostly because Jaz and Elijah gang up on him and they might be something taken alone, but together they’re terrifying. 

They do pull some pretty epic pranks on McG and Adam notices how the team’s spirits have become lighter since Jaz joined them. She now smiles and laughs on the daily and it makes him happy, because he knows her time in the army has been nothing but hard until she came to them. 

Jaz first looks surprised every time he asks her to make a decisive shot and Adam wonders why exactly none of her previous CO let her do that. At some point, she starts to understand that he trusts her implicitly, and from this moment on she literally   
blooms with confidence. 

Adam thought she was good before, but now she’s just outstanding. 

xxxxx

Elijah has to sit an op out and Adam pairs Jaz with him. He has this need to make sure she’s safe, and having her by his side does calm his nerves. 

It turns out that the two of them make an amazing team, better than she was with Elijah. There’s definitely a connexion there, something unusual where they don’t need words to understand the other and Adam decided that from now on they’ll be paired together. 

xxxxx

Jaz and Elijah come to his cabin during leave. For three weeks, Adam wakes up to Jaz sleeping less than two feet away from him. 

He’s used to sleeping near her, even has the sounds of her breathing memorized, but this is entirely different because there’s no wall between them this time. 

She sleeps on her side, curled into a tight ball, mouth closed. Her hair usually spills everywhere behind her and it’s pretty different from in Turkey where she keeps it into utilitarian buns and braids. 

Adam spends a good ten minutes looking at her each morning, noticing all the little details that make her Jaz. Of course he’s noticed most of them before, but it’s during those lost pre-dawn minutes that he sees all the things he’s missed. 

He also happens to be an unwilling spectator of a waking up Jaz. More than once, he sees her blink slowly, as if fighting the hold her dreams have on her. She usually stretches her whole body on the mattress, rolling out of sleep and her sleeping shirts have the bad habit of slipping real low when she does that. 

Adam tries to look away, but he has to admit he gets an eyeful a couple of times. 

He’s always known his sniper was pretty attractive, but from this moment on, she starts to enter his dreams in a whole other capacity. Adam stops his thoughts at this because it’s inappropriate and she deserves much more than him pining after her. 

xxxxx

Elijah dies in Jaz’s arms and the cry that escapes her throat tears his heart in two. Adam has to pry her away from the corpse and he’s feeling pretty devastated himself, but Jaz is crumbling to pieces in his arms and he has to stay strong for her. 

She looks lifeless as he drags her inside the plane. It’s strange not to see her by Elijah’s side and it hits Adam that he’ll never see this again. There will never be anymore of those two pulling pranks at McG or arguing about the laundry and Jaz’s missing underwear or making a racket on Saturday mornings as they try to make breakfast together because the two of them are hopeless on their own, but manage to cook something half-decent together. 

That night, Adam can’t sleep. He hears her rolling around her bed, softly crying into her pillows and at some point he just can’t take it anymore. He goes to her room and stays with her until she finally falls asleep cuddled into his side. 

He knows it’s not the best idea because at this point, Adam has pretty much gathered that Jaz means much more to him than she should. But he can’t let her suffer alone so he keeps reaching for her night after night until she suddenly stops going for him. 

Adam finds her in McG’s bed, face buried into his neck, and it hurts more than it should to know she chose to turn to McG instead of him. 

xxxxx

He tells her about Amir before he tells anyone because she’s this important and he wants her to have the time to process it alone. 

Adam expects Jaz to take it badly, but he doesn’t expect her to say all those bad things. He tries to make her see reason and he reaches for her hand, but she wrenches it away from his grasp. Adam just stares as Jaz angrily storms out of his room and he tries his best to tell himself that this isn’t really about him, that she’s just coping with the death of her best friend, but it doesn’t erase the way she looked at him, as if he was trying to personally hurt her. 

There’s no more Elijah to calm her down and make her see reason and Adam _wants _to take that spot, to show her he can be so much more than her CO.__

__It’s a dangerous game he’s playing and he knows it. Still, he keeps reaching for her because he needs to know she’s safe, even if she’s hell bent on ignoring him following the Amir incident._ _

__One night he finds her outside by herself, so he quickly whips up two mugs of hot chocolate, knowing thoroughly well she won’t be able to resist them. He’s been scratching his head all week, trying to find a way to make her talk to him and Adam starts to see how dependent on her he has become._ _

__It should scare him more than it does, but right now his priority is having Jaz back to talking to him._ _

__He sits next to her and immediately offers the hot chocolate, hoping to get her to stay with this petty peace offering. It does work and she does stay, but she waits on him to start talking._ _

__« Why did you start going to McG? »_ _

__It’s the first thing that comes to his mind and he knows why it is. It’s because it bugs him the most, how she simply stopped going for him and what he had to offer. He’s used to being Jaz’s first responder, and ending in second place to McG feels a little bit like getting picked last in a grade school team of dodgeball._ _

__It sucks, plain in simple._ _

__« I didn’t want to be a burden to you, » Jaz shrugs and Adam closes his eyes to mask the pain._ _

__She thinks she’s a burden to him. She isn’t and it makes him feel all kinds of wrong to know that she thinks that way. Adam can honestly say all he can think about lately is her. He tells himself that it’s normal because he’s been worried sick about her with Elijah’s death and he just wants her to be happy once again._ _

__« You’ll never be a burden to me, Jazzy, »_ _

__The words seem to settle her down and before long she’s falling asleep on his shoulder. Adam knows she’s exhausted because her sleep has been drastically cut down since Elijah’s death and he can’t bring himself to wake her up, not when she finally sleeps._ _

__Slowly, he manages to gather her into his arms without waking her up. She’s so little she doesn’t weight a lot and the walk to her room is fairly easy for Adam._ _

__Like he’s done so many times for his sisters, he tucks her into her bed, first laying her down and removing her shoes, then covering her up with her comforter. She snuggles into it and Adam stays there a few moments, taking in the way she sleeps, peaceful and unbothered._ _

__He knows by now that she’s it, that no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never find someone as perfect as Jaz._ _

__So Adam lets himself brush the stray hairs from her forehead before he bends down to kiss it._ _

__It’s the most he’ll allow himself to indulge in Jaz._ _

__xxxxx_ _

__Jaz doesn’t like the new guy. Adam expected that and he warns Amir that she might get a little fussy because he’s replacing her dead best friend, but it doesn’t make it easier on the newcomer._ _

__Adam lets her be for a few weeks, but then he has to come to the conclusion that he’s being soft on her because he has a _thing _for Jaz, whatever that means.___ _

____He eventually has to resort to talking to her and he waits until they’re alone in the hut to pull her into his room. He has a feeling this conversation will end up being loud and he doesn’t want to explain it to everyone._ _ _ _

____Besides, Adam has always been a believer in praising in public and correcting in private._ _ _ _

____« Why don’t you trust me? » he asks her because it kind of hurts to know that she doesn’t believe the guy he personally vetted is a good fit._ _ _ _

____« I do trust you, » answers Jaz and he’s not sure if her voice is soft or defensive. It’s a strange mix there, one that summarizes their entire relationship._ _ _ _

____« Well trust my choices. Amir is my choice for the team and you have to accept that, » he says even though he can see Jaz growing mad. She’s had a short temper these days and he really tries to put it on Elijah, but it’s been almost two months and he can’t keep on feeding her excuses._ _ _ _

____Jaz retreats and slams the door behind her. For the next few days, she stubbornly refuses to make eye contact with him, sticking like glue to McG’s side._ _ _ _

____Then Paris happens and she’s clearly not on board with that plan, but at least she’s talking to him. She seems to have warmed up with the shakshuka incident, but it all goes back to hell when she starts to doubt Amir in the middle of the mission._ _ _ _

____Adam can’t help it, he snaps at her. He’s been stretched thin between his desire to put the newcomer at ease and his need to help Jaz go through whatever issues are still nagging her._ _ _ _

____He feels bad for revealing Amir’s past without his consent, but he knows it’s ultimately the good decision, for his team and for Jaz and even for Amir._ _ _ _

____« I’m really sorry, » Jaz tells him once they wrap up the mission._ _ _ _

____Adam still wants to give her a piece of his mind, but she stares at him with such honesty that he really can’t bring himself to do it. He decides Jaz has learned her lesson and he lets her down easy._ _ _ _

____« It’s alright, » Adam relents as her eyes keep telling him how bad she feels._ _ _ _

____To his surprise, she hugs him after that. It’s not just a pat on the back or a side embrace that’s quick and just another way of saying good job. No, this one is a full frontal hug that make her breasts splay against his own chest as her arms wrap tightly around his waist._ _ _ _

____He feels her inhaling against the fabric of his shirt and he realizes that Jaz _needs _this moment and his presence just as much as he needs hers.___ _ _ _

______xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _

______Tehran is the place where Adam almost loses his soul._ _ _ _ _ _

______He once again snaps at Jaz because she did a reckless thing and he gets afraid he might lose her like they lost Elijah. As a result, she feels the need to prove herself and then she ends up taken somewhere where the bad guys can do whatever they want to her._ _ _ _ _ _

______Beatings, torturing, raping… he doesn’t even want to keep exploring the possibilities, but they keep nagging him._ _ _ _ _ _

______The guys get worried about him. Everyone knows the right thing to do is to go back home, but Adam knows he’ll never do so without Jaz. He’ll die trying if he has to. It’s during this sleep and food depraved state of mind that he sees clearly how important she’s become, how big of a place she has taken inside his life._ _ _ _ _ _

______He’s not ready to dwell on how important is that place, so he focuses on getting Jaz back instead._ _ _ _ _ _

______When they do get her, he’s so relieved he keeps her on his lap until he absolutely has to let her go. Adam cradles Jaz’s head against his torso and presses his cheek against her dirty hair and it’s the happiest he’s ever been, knowing she’s safe in his arms._ _ _ _ _ _

______When they get back he can’t find it in himself to sleep because she’s plagued by nightmares that make her cry out in her sleep and it’s too much for him. Adam wakes her up each time and they usually move to the couch where things are safer because they’re not in the privacy of her bedroom where things feel too intimate._ _ _ _ _ _

______She falls asleep on him a lot and he lets himself to enjoy those little moment where he gets to touch her without it being innapropriate._ _ _ _ _ _

______At this point he’ll take any excuse to be near her._ _ _ _ _ _

______xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jaz shows up at his door two weeks into leave. He opens it wide for her and makes her some place in his everyday life._ _ _ _ _ _

______It’s the first time they do this, spending weeks together, just the two of them. It’s a simple life they lead, punctuated with days spent outdoors and trips to the farmer’s market and the bookstore._ _ _ _ _ _

______This summer of theirs turns out to be the most normal thing Adam has done in his life. She still has nightmares and he helps her get through them, but it’s just the two of them living a standard day to day life and he likes it._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eventually they start to make it an habit to talk on his bed late at night. It inevitably leads to the two of them falling asleep because they’re exhausted from their days of physical activity and the emotions they’re forced to visit in order to move forward._ _ _ _ _ _

______He wakes up to discover their limbs tangled together more than once and Adam can’t resist snuggling further into her, nose buried into her sweet-smelling hair._ _ _ _ _ _

______« What about that one? » Jaz asks him as she holds a book in front of him at some point during her stay. « Seems like your kind of reading, »_ _ _ _ _ _

______It is his kind of reading and somehow, when Adam raises his eyes to Jaz to thank her, she appears to be wrapped up in a different light._ _ _ _ _ _

______He closes his eyes and opens them again, but she’s still bathed in this weird glow that only makes her prettier. Adam has noticed every single detail about her during the past weeks, from the way that she tries to solve problems with her hands jammed together, to the birth mark at the base of her spine he sees every time she puts on her bikini when they go swimming. He’s never seen that kind of glow and he doesn’t talk about it._ _ _ _ _ _

______She babbles joyfully in the car as they go back home and Adam has to stop himself from calling it home, because for a moment the cabin looked like it was just as much Jaz’s as it was his._ _ _ _ _ _

______He stares at her a little harder than he usually does as she props herself on the counter, her new stack of books towering next to her. Jaz is already absorbed into her new story, not noticing the way Adam is looking at her._ _ _ _ _ _

______She probably doesn’t even know it but her forehead crinkles in the middle when she’s concentrating and her lower lip juts out and it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. He guilty thinks that he shouldn’t even be thinking about her that way and her words from a year ago resonate through his mind._ _ _ _ _ _

_______You’re the only CO I’ve ever had who looks at me and doesn’t see a woman first._ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaz came here to find peace. Not to get dragged into Adam and his feelings. She deserves more than that, more than a CO who’s unattainable and a guy who can’t possibly give her the life she’s entitled to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________So Adam tries really hard to ignore it, but by the end of leave it’s become obvious to him what’s happening._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He has fallen in love with Jaz Khan and there’s no going back now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Adam tries really hard to hide his newfound realization, but knowing he loves Jaz makes it altogether more difficult. Now, he’s not only worrying about her, but he’s also worrying about how his feelings for her affect his way of leading the team._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Adam doesn’t want to hold Jaz back, but he doesn’t want to see her hurt either and it’s a harder thing to juggle than he’d have thought._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He gets badly hurt and has to stay in the hospital for a bit, and Jaz is there when he wakes up. She’s perched on a uncomfortable looking plastic folding chair, eyes set on him, and the sight of her makes him smile even though every part of him screams bloody murder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They get a night off at a bar somewhere in Western Europe and Jaz slips into the seat next to him as soon as she can. The night has fallen and they stay silent, staring at the stars for a long time as he holds her against him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It’s a brazen move, one he wouldn’t have done last year, but after leave and waking up next to her one day out of two, it only feels natural for his arm to settle around her frame just like it did at the cabin when they looked at the stars._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They end up drinking much more than they should and they grow increasingly flirty with each other. At some point his arm drifts low on her back, so close to her ass it’s obvious it’s inappropriate, and Jaz answers by leaning her whole body into his. Her hand drifts off to his thigh, resting there for a few firm minutes before it starts to move up and down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When Jaz yawns for the third time in two minutes, Adam helps her up because she’s a little wobbly from all the drinks and he insists on paying for her. It’s once again a bold move, something straight out of a date, and Jaz, being the proud nature she is even inebriated, starts to protest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He backs her up against the wall and presses his body into hers, knowing very well that she can’t think just as clearly when he does that. Their lips are less than an inch apart and he teasingly runs his fingers up and down her arm until she agrees to let him pay._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Adam grabs her hand as they walk back to the hotel, not resisting the need to hold her close and tell her just how pretty she is, how much he needs her in his life. Jaz isn’t really recoiling from all of this, not that he’d expect her to with the eyes she’s been making at him all year long._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________« You are the most important thing in my life, Jazzy, » Adam tells her as Jaz starts to turn the keys in the front door lock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He has no idea why he tells her that. It’s the truth and he wants her to know it, but it doesn’t change the fact that this, _them _, remains impossible.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________But her pupils are blown wide with need and her chest is heaving deliciously and is exposed to his line of sight and Adam lets Jaz pull him into his room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When she kisses him, he knows he won’t be able to stop himself. She’s too pretty, too perfect, too _Jaz _and he needs her. He’s been dreaming about this moment since the first time she came to Incirlik and he holds on to it. She has been populating his dreams for a long time, more so lately, and Adam runs his hands over her body, thinking that the real thing is a hundred times better than the one where he wakes up hard and wanting her badly.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She makes a quick thing of his shirt and her fingers trace paths of fire over his quickly tightening muscles. Adam groans into her neck, licking and sucking the skin there until she starts to go for her shirt and then something -lets call it reason- snaps inside of him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________They can’t do this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He can’t do this ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Adam will not be the reason she has to transfer teams. He will not be the thing that puts her career in danger. He refuses to do so._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He stops Jaz as she’s trying to take off her shirt, his hands surprisingly steady against her trembling ones. He realizes at that moment how tiny she is next to him. « I can’t Jaz. We can’t, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________It pains him to see her eyes turning wide and unbelieving after those words, but it’s the best thing for her. He’s too afraid to lose her if they do this and he needs her to live._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Jaz pushes him on the chest, hard enough to make him stumble back. « What do you mean we can’t? »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Her voice quivers and it’s all it takes for him not to gather her in his arms and kiss her until it’s only Adam and Jaz, rolling around naked in his bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« I love you and you- »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Adam forces himself to stay silent. He does love her. In fact, he loves her so much his entire life is turning around hers, his every action made with Jaz in his mind. But she’s having doubts, she’s backing away, and maybe it’s the right thing to do if he wants to keep her on his team and protect her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He lost her once in Tehran and he’s not about to do it again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Adam watches as her eyes fill with tears, so big and dark and once again bottomless. His heart swells and deflates in the span of five seconds, leaving it as limp a flaky old balloon that has reached the end of its lifespan._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« Fuck you, » Jaz hisses and he wouldn’t be surprised to see venom coming out of her teeth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________She flys out of his room and he can hear her hurrying up the stairs and slamming her bedroom door and Adam stays there a long time, feeling like he’s just lost the most important thing in his life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He sits down on the top of his comforter, thinking that surely this is what being hit by a hurricane feels like. Jaz’s eyes are burning a hole in his mind and Adam pulls back his covers, climbing alone into his empty bed, willing himself not to cry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He manages to do it, but his eyes are red and bloodshot the next morning and none of the guys say anything because Jaz is still holed up in her room and she refuses to speak to anyone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________During the next two weeks, Jaz doesn’t look at him, doesn’t speak to him and straight out refuses to pair with him on missions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________When they arrive in DC, she hugs each of the guys goodbye and leaves without a second glance from him. McG and Amir give him a sorry look and a tap on the back and Preach drags him to a coffee place nearby._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Adam tries to explain what happened, but he quickly sees how wrong everything went._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« You should have told her the truth, Adam, » Preach tells him. Adam stares at his longest standing friend, waiting for the rest of his wisdom. « That you love her, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« I have no idea where she is, » Adam shakes his head, seeing clearly how he should have just done that. He should have told Jaz everything about his feelings for her and how he couldn’t think or breathe without knowing she was safe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« Leave her be for a few weeks. She needs the alone time to think. Then you can reach out for her and tell her exactly what you told me. You did hurt her Adam, but she’s just as in love as you are, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________So Adam goes back to Pennsylvania with Preach’s words drilled into the back of his mind. He waits three weeks and then he calls her. She doesn’t answer, so he leaves a voicemail. He tries to call her everyday, three times a day, for over a month, but she never does answer._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Maybe he’s lost her after all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Leave is the single hardest thing Adam has ever done in his entire life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________All he can think about is Jaz. Jaz and her deep throaty laugh, Jaz and her smile as she pulls a prank on McG, Jaz squealing with glee as she beats Amir at horseshoe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He calls her daily, religiously and leaves her a voicemail every time. At some point there’s a message telling him the voicemail is completely full and he throws down his phone on the mattress in a petty move of frustration._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Adam calls McG to know where she is, because he’s the one she’s the closest to apart from him. He guesses McG is now the one Jaz is the closest to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« She’s still angry, Top, » McG tells him, refusing at first to give up her location._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« I messed up, I know. But I need to see her, to explain everything. I want to be with her, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________There’s a desperation to his voice and Adam guesses it must be bigger than he’d thought because McG relents and drops a street address._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________« Don’t tell her I’m the one who gave you that, » he warns and Adam assures him he won’t._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He climbs into his car and heads for DC. She’s somewhere there, hidden in plain sight, and Adam wants nothing but to find her and hold her forever._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He quickly finds her rental place, a tiny apartment that seems more practical than pretty. Jaz’s car isn’t there and she doesn’t answer when he knocks on the door so Adam goes back to his own car and waits her out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Night has fallen when she arrives, and Adam is making a move to get out of his seat when he suddenly sees a man climbing out of her car. She comes out of the passenger seat and he reaches for her hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Adam stays there, horror stricken as the guy bends down to kiss Jaz. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are shining and she’s smiling so big it takes Adam a few seconds to realize he’s stopped breathing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Jaz seems inclined to speak to him when they get back to Turkey. Only now, the roles are reversed, and it’s Adam who’s fuming. The image of her and tall guy has haunted him his entire leave and he knows it’s his fault but it doesn’t make him feel better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He sees her talking on the phone to him, sometimes bending over her tablet with a small smile in her lips and she looks so happy he can’t bring himself to tell her everything he wants to tell her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________She’s taken. He missed his shot. The end._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He still hates it when Jaz finishes up her calls with _I love you too _.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Adam decides to wait her out and hope that she’ll change her mind. He returns to his old ways, pairing up with her and sharing secret smiles whenever one of the guys does something corny._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________They go back to their conversations by the fire at night, and during those time Adam can almost believe she’s still his and not that Matt guy’s._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________One night she waits for him on the couch and he should have put on a shirt, but he forgot it in his room and he comes out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Jaz stares at him with a lustful gaze that borders on the hungry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________It does something to him, having her appraising him like a piece of meat and hope blooms inside his chest until it’s squashed down by the memory of Matt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« Don’t forget about your boyfriend, Jazzy, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Adam know he shouldn’t tell her this. Some part of him is still angry she moved on so quick from him and apparently, it’s still very alive._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________They only have a month left to deployment and Jaz looks nowhere near to dumping Matt. It makes him grow sour and he hates it, but he hates even more the idea of Jaz returning to her boyfriend. At least here on deployment she can be his, or he can pretend so._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« What’s going on? There’s something bothering you, » Jaz says one night next to the fire._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« It’s nothing, » he grumbles and he hands her a marshmallow because sugar is the quickest way to her heart._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« It’s not nothing, » Jaz pushes because she never lets anything go and damnit if it doesn’t make him love her more. He averts his eyes, worried she might see the longing in them. « You used to tell me everything, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« You used to be single, » Adam snaps and he closes his eyes right after, feeling his control on the situation slipping._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Jaz’s eyes open wide and he can see them fill up with tears. He hates that he’s the one putting them there, but she needs to know just how much he loves her. « I can’t believe you’re doing that to me. After I laid my heart out to you and you rejected me, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Jaz looks tinier than tiny right now. She’s trembling like a leaf and Adam can’t resist taking her shaking hands and holding them to his lap to steady them. He knows all about her need to feel safe because he can read her like a manual._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« It was a mistake, Jaz. I love you, you have to know I love you. It wasn’t about not loving you, it was about being too goddamn afraid, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Once the truth starts to come up, it flows out of his mind at a speed that scares him. Adam can’t help himself, he grabs her by the waist and slams her against him, kissing her like there’s no tomorrow._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He feels a small prickle of joy when he realizes that she kisses him back and it’s not just a polite peck. It’s with abandon, with her hands clawing at his shirt to bring him closer and her teeth clashing with his._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________They pull away and it takes them a second to catch their breaths, but Adam’s hands don’t lose their grip on Jaz. It feels too good to be touching her again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« You said it yourself, I used to be single, » mutters Jaz._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The words feel sharper than a knife. Slowly, he takes a steadying breath and nods his head. « I messed this up real good didn’t I? »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« We messed this up real good, » she corrects as she trails her fingers down his spine in a tender gesture that has him hoping for more in a second._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« You still love me, » Adam declares, knowing it’s the truth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« Yeah I do, » Jaz admits. She doesn’t even think twice before answering and it makes Adam’s heart jump forcefully inside of his chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________She still loves him. He’s still got a chance. But Jaz is a loyal creature and he knows Matt is still in the back of her mind. So Adam decides to give her space, to let her decide in her own terms who she should end up with._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« I’ll wait for you. I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll wait for you, Jaz, » Adam says, resolute._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He gives her space after that night._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He also throws in a couple of compliments and a bunch of little touches and hugs her way, because he wants her to remember him when she makes that choice. It’s playing a little dirty and he knows it, but Adam will be damned if he doesn’t get his girl back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________She leaves the DC airport with Matt. Jaz gives him a long hug before she does so and her eyes are wet and Adam really hope it’s not because she’s saying goodbye._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Still, he waits her out at his cabin and tries to convince himself he made the right choice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He doesn’t have to wait long to see he did._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________xxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________It’s a rainy afternoon when he hears a car coming up the muddy road. Adam steps out on his front porch, stopping short when he sees it’s Jaz’s._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________She gets out of her car and both of them stand there, transfixed, waiting for one to make a move._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Jaz eventually does so, probably because it’s raining cats and dogs and he notices she’s crying as she makes her way to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« Jaz, » Adam croaks out because he can’t believe she’s really here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Jaz reaches for him and he lets her, eyes shining with his very own tears._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« I love you, » Jaz says. « I chose you. Of course I chose you, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He hoists her up into his arms as easily as if she were a rag doll and she giggles at that. Adam smiles as he brings them into the cabin, feeling so incredibly happy that she’s there with him, ready to take on the rest of their lives._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________« I love you, Jazzy, » Adam beams at her as he pushes the wet hair from her face. « You are my entire life, »_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Adam kisses her and Jaz kisses him back and for the first time ever, he knows there is nothing stopping them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?


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